Hulka volunteered for Sobol and turned in a very clever piece. Love this. He says he gets no points for originality, but I disagree. Thanks, Evan.

* * *

There are thousands of private detectives in the United States, but the town of Idleville had just one. His name was Wikipedia Jones. He was ten years old, and he had never lost a case. Yet. This latest one had him stumped.

The dead man, one Donald J. Sobol, had grown up in New York City, served in the Pacific during World War II, went to college on the G.I. Bill. Nothing too suspicious there. Then things started to get weird. In the early '50s he quit his job, moved to Florida, and started churning out children's books on a variety of topics, from military history to the stock market. His most successful series, though, featured an intrepid boy detective with a brainy nickname. Sobol had written 27 of these books, with outlandish titles like "Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Disgusting Sneakers," over almost 50 years. They sold more than 50 million copies and inspired a comic strip, a short-lived TV series, and countless youthful delusions of grandeur.

Wikipedia narrowed his eyes. Something about the whole setup seemed vaguely familiar. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. Sobol had obviously been a man of wealth and intelligence, but he'd kept a low profile. Still, someone had wanted him dead. Had he stumbled upon a deadly secret? Had he fallen in with a criminal element? Had he ... known too much?

As his thoughts wandered, Wikipedia was startled by a hard smack upside the head from his pretty assistant, Sally Kindle. "He was 87 years old," said Sally. "He died of natural causes, you dumb-ass."

Hulka, who enjoys referring to himself in the third person, gets 5 points for the hit, 5 for the solo, and none for originality.

— Hulka

I think the most important thing to remember about Celeste Holm is how she held her own in All About Eve. I mean, there's Bette Davis and Anne Baxter going after each other like feral cats both on and off the set, and then there's Celeste, sweetly and softly stealing the movie whenever she likes. That's a strong actor, right there.

Celeste began her career on stage in the 1930s and didn't slow down until her body began failing her in the 2000s, but she never quite stopped working. In fact, she's got a film coming out next year. Of her many films, her best are All About Eve and Come to the Stable. There's also an obscure one I like a lot, Champagne for Caesar. On television, Celeste did everything from Walt Disney to Wonder Woman, from Archie Bunker to The Love Boat.

Celeste was married five times. She broke up with her first three husbands after a few years with each, but she stayed with Wesley Addy for 35 years, until he died in 1996. In 2004 she married Frank Basile; she was 87, he was 41. Right around then, Celeste and Frank sued Celeste's sons to overturn the irrevocable trust that controlled Celeste's money. Frank thought the trust was intended to keep him away from his wife's wealth, which was then about $13 million in cash and assets. Each side spent millions fighting the other. In the end they settled, but Celeste was pretty much broke after the battle. She and Frank were living in an apartment on New York's Central Park West that Celeste had bought decades ago for $10,000. As of last year, its estimated worth was $10 million, but Frank and Celeste were way behind on their building fees and so forth, and they were in danger of losing the place.

Sometimes Celeste would be up late into the night, either having just come home from something, or merely up and unable to sleep and hurting, as someone in her 70s or 80s will often be. She'd listen to CBS News on the radio, and once in a while she would call the desk to complain about our English. We always logged it. She was, of course, absolutely charming. What else?

Celeste and Frank were still married and still together when Celeste died. Celeste was broke and had been for several years, but Frank was still with her and had remained loyal. Whatever anyone might have thought about the circumstances of their marriage — he will, after all, get a third of the value of the apartment — Frank said this to the New York Times in 2011: "From a romantic point of view, age never became a factor once you know Celeste Holm. The humor, the wit, the intellect, the support, compassion: It was the full package of an extraordinary woman, and any guy who couldn't see that was blind, and anybody who did probably fell in love with her." Go on, argue with that.

Keister Button and I share the hit: two points for age and three for the duet. Total: 5.

— Brad

Busgal volunteered to help us catch up so I had no choice but to send her to country music land. Thanks, Busgal!

* * *

As I sit here tonight The jukebox playin' The tune about the wild side of life

 

After 16 years in the music business and a lifetime in Nashville, Ellen Muriel Deason Wright was ready to step aside and raise her family. However, the $125 recording payment got her into the studio in May 1952 to record this answer song to Hank Thompson's "Wild Side of Life." It was so controversial that the Grand Ole Opry tried to ban it, but the fans won — buying more than 800,000 copies, making it the first number-one record for a female on Billboard's country charts since its founding in 1944.

Ellen's husband, Johnny Wright, suggested her stage name from a song aptly titled "I Married Kitty Wells."

Kitty would continue leading the way for women in country music, becoming the first female country artist to release a long-playing album, and recording the first male/female duets. In 1976 she was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame, and in 1991 Kitty Wells became the third country artist to be honored with a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award. (Roy Acuff and Hank Williams had been honored previously.)

Maybe now Kitty has the answer to her song "How Far Is Heaven." Drunkasaskunk, johnnyb, Kixco, Loki, Sad Last Dave and Tim J. knew it was time for the Queen of Country Music to RIP. They each get 2 points.

— Busgal

Matthew Hubbard loves writing about cultural icons when they're on the tabloids' front pages. This one wasn't, so I'm grateful he made an exception.

* * *

There were seven regular cast members in the early seasons of Saturday Night Live: Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Garrett Morris, Gilda Radner, Jane Curtin, Lorraine Newman and Chevy Chase, with Chase replaced by Bill Murray after season one. But there were also several people hired as writers who got air time back then as well, notably Michael O'Donoghue as Mr. Mike, Don Novello as Father Guido Sarducci, and Al Franken and Tom Davis, appearing as Franken & Davis, the comedy team where "neither one of us is the funny one."

Franken and Davis had been writing comedy since they were both in high school in Minnesota. Al went off to college and Tom got involved in the local improv scene. When Al graduated, he and Tom got back together and took a shot at the big time, sharing "a life of near-total failure on the fringes of show business in Los Angeles," according to the book about SNL by Hill and Weingrad.

They got hired as writers on Saturday Night Live or, more precisely, the two of them got hired as a single writer, splitting $350 a week. Davis is credited as the originator of several popular characters, including Bill Murray's Nick the Lounge Singer; Steve Martin's Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber; Christopher Walken's The Continental; and The Coneheads, starring Aykroyd, Curtin and Newman. One of my personal favorites, a sketch that Davis gets credit for, is The Pepsi Syndrome, a parody of The China Syndrome, a 14-minute-long sketch with a lot of roles, notably Aykroyd as Jimmy Carter, Newman as Rosalynn, guest star Richard Benjamin as the nuclear plant spokesperson, and a very funny cameo by Rodney Dangerfield.

All the tributes to Davis remember him as a nice guy, though he strained a lot of his relationships with too much drug use over the years. He and Al Franken were estranged for many years, but Al still gave his writing partner a moving tribute on the floor of the Senate last month.

Who got the points for Tom Davis dying? Scary soloist Gerard Tierney, of course, already over 200 points in August with a chance to eclipse the best total in AO Deadpool history, Acctorp's 273 points in 2006. Of course, that was during the steroid era and will always be suspect.

— Matthew Hubbard