Welcome to the 2008 AO Deadpool Awards Ceremony, affectionately called The Moxies. All the dead bodies have surfaced, and it's time to square accounts. First, we must apologize to those of you who haven't received your tickets to the event, which is definitely a black crepe affair. Unfortunately, the invitations were in a mail bag on Flight 1549. Sorry. You'll have to attend right where you are.

It was another great year for alt.obituaries. Not too much squabbling, the usual personality quirks, and all those people whose ISPs let them down seem to have found other ways to access Usenet. We will prevail. More and more of us are finding each other on Facebook, a mixed blessing, photographically speaking. (On a personal note, I had one nice visit from the Schenley crowd and two from JD. And I saw Brigid in Portland, Garrett in SF, and Matt Kruk in Vancouver.) We didn't get much press this year, but it was choice. The LA Times blamed us for the fake news of Larry Gelbart's stroke. According to the venerable LA Times, we're a blog. No one will ever get that right.

So, without further ado, let's get on with the awards. Some old, some new and, next year, you guys come up with some new awards, because we're getting tired of rehashing.  115 hits from January 2 to December 29th. The first one was a princess, the last one a trumpet player. There were 61 solos. And the average age at death was 83.29. There were 58 players, and the one who gets the Moxie Award is an old friend of alt.obituaries. A guy who knows when wrestlers are done for. A guy whose video of the AO deadpool hits began our newest tradition here on AO.

This year The MOXIE AWARD goes to EdV, who had sixteen hits, three more than last year, for a total of 191 points. This is EdV's first GOLD. He scored thirteen hits last year to earn the BRONZE. Not only has Ed turned into the world's most accomplished deadpool player, he's polite. He actually thanked Mark, in advance, for the Moxie. The first one to do it, says Mark. And to top it all off, he's made another video of the year's hits. Not sure it's quite ready but, when it is, we'll attach the link. Hearty congratulations. Drink it slowly. Or not at all.

The SILVER goes to Bill Schenley. It was a good year for him because many of the people he had been carrying since the beginning decided they had had enough of being on his list. On top of everything else, he stopped smoking! Let's give it up for Bill! In some ways, the SILVER MOXIE is better than the GOLD, because there's no actual MOXIE attached to it.

The BRONZE goes to Dead People Server, whose special affinity for barely-shaving druggies made her a star. Nice work, DPS.

Every year, there's a new player who shows what we've all been doing wrong. The ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD goes to Mort Chewary, who toe-tagged an amazing eleven bodies his first time out.

Fireball is this year's winner of the prestigious LET'S FUCK WITH THE IMDb AWARD. He had six IMDb hits. A dishonorable mention goes to Eternity Tours. All five of his hits were IMDbers. And unlike the IMDb, we know when they're dead.

The COMPANY OF STRANGERS AWARD. Once again Erik wins this obscure award. We don't really know why. We only know he is really strange, and we believe in tradition on the AO Deadpool.

The GIMME A FUCKING BREAK AWARD can only be won by the most heartless players. You know, the kind who pump their fist in the air when they smell embalming fluid in the wind. This year, that would be Acctorp, DGH, Denise, DrunkAsASkunk, Yersinia Pestis and Undertaker, who all read about Korean boxer Choi Yo-sam getting knocked into a coma a week before the 2008 game started. Way to root for misery and heartache, guys.

???Guest, Dannyb, Dead People Server were all humbled to accept the RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES AWARD. As if Sunny Von Bülow weren't dead enough already.

The BOBBSEY TWINS AWARD, an award that goes to the players who have the most common hits between them, was won by Denise and Erik, who both picked Suzanne Pleshette, Georgia Frontiere, Charlton Heston, Tony Snow and Sydney Pollack. It was quite a year for dead writers and journalists and the picks were extraordinarily well-chosen. J.D. Baldwin's solo of William Gibson. Dead Batteries' pick of Clay Felker. Kathypig1 and Allen Kirshner's duet for Phyllis Whitney. Charlene and Brigid's Solzhenitsyn. The trio of Louisiana Lou, Dead Batteries and Another Lurker for William F. Buckley. The gang for Arthur C. Clarke and Studs Terkel and Harold ... ... ... ... Pinter. You all get to share the BOOK-BURNING AWARD.

Because her seven hits were all solos, Amelia easily outdistanced Bill Schenley and his five for the SUSAN HAYWARD AWARD, formerly known as the I Walk Alone Award.

R.H. Draney single-handedly ran away with the ONE-HIT WONDER AWARD by scoring — that's right — one hit. But let's not laugh at R.H., as it was almost a solo. Only thirteen others chose to venture into his 2008 Deadpool Odyssey.

Maybe Mark thought by wheedling his in-laws into playing the deadpool he could avoid paying postage on the MOXIE. Not to worry, Sux fan, the O'Wilners became only the second team in AO Deadpool history to total zee-freakin'-row points as they get to proudly display the DIM REAPER AWARD above the fireplace. And this is the first mention of their name in the deadpool. Not to worry, The O'Wilners have signed up for another year.

Mort Chewary, who won the ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD, stepped up to claim yet another prize, the PHILIP AWARD. Oddly, of his eleven hits, none were solos. And we're going to do everything we can to make sure Philip never wins it. Even if it means lying.

He was old for a long time, then he was sick for a long time, and then he was dead, and he'll be dead for a long time. The PAINFULLY OBVIOUS SOLO AWARD goes to Raven, who sank his jaws into Roy Scheider. I mean, who knew he was dying, besides everyone?

This year's PUBLIC SERVICE AWARD goes to a rather diverse group: Ed Varner, Direcorbie, Philip, Buford, Erik, Mort Chewary, Lurker3791, Chaptal and ???Guest, who all, thankfully, predicted the end of Suharto. Here's hoping ???Guest, with her list of bad people, wins the entire pool this year.

Dead People Server should be so proud of herself for winning the BABY KILLER AWARD. Were the 30 bonus points worth this poor unfortunate's life, DPS? Were they?

He can sing, he can dance and even better, Team Bubba has great legs. He gets the CLASSIEST SOLO AWARD for stepping on Cyd Charisse's toes.

The STUMBLING ACROSS THE FINISH LINE AWARD goes to Dannyb for not getting a hit until there were only 15 days left in the game. And then he got his second hit. Okay, let's share this award with Wendy. After all, Danny's first hit was in December. Her last one was in March.

Yersinia Pestis beat out Amelia for the highest point per hit average this year. This, of course, would be the reason for Yersinia taking home the HIGHEST POINT PER HIT AVERAGE AWARD (17.00 average). An award will go next year to the person who comes up with a better name for this award.

The RIDICULOUSLY OBVIOUS DEATH AWARD has once again been handed out to a whole mess of players who pick their shots. Acctorp, Bill Schenley, Bushwhacker, Busgal, Charlene, Constant Irritant, Ed Varner, Erik, Exuma, Denise, Jazz Vulture, Lurker3791, Philip, Ray Arthur and Undertaker all saw the direction Sydney Pollack's life was going in. There were more ridiculously obvious choices, but those suckers decided not to die.

The LARRY GELBART 'THEY GOTTA DIE SOMEDAY' AWARD goes to Mort Chewary, Moldy Oldies, Mark, King Daevid, The Wiz, James Neibaur, Garrett, Excard, Eternity Tours, EdV, Direcorbie, Dead People Server and Allen Kirshner for their patience in waiting for Estelle Getty to die. She's been on lists since day one.

The MANY MANY THANKS AWARD has to go to Buford, who selflessly maintained the aodeadpool.com website and came up with all the wonderful ideas for statistics and the marvelous Mark Felt update. No matter how many ridiculous things we write, he figures out a way to put it on the website. Even during his busy season. We're going to try to get you some help this year.

We were thrilled and delighted with the work of J.D. Baldwin, Brad Ferguson, Philip, Exuma, King Daevid and Garrett, who helped us with updates. If we have to give one BEST GUEST UPDATE AWARD, it would be to Brad, whose knowledge of all things science fiction made Arthur C. Clarke's update a joy to read.

Other things we liked: Johnnyb's Jack Narz concentration, Philip's solo of the jeweler in Help, Abby's of Allan Melvin. Charlene and Bill hitting on two cartoonists, Key and Yefimov, Garrett's never-ending list of obscure entertainers like Connie Haines. Chaptal's trio of Suharto, Murcer and Pinter. (Imagine those three in a room together?) Musical solos we liked: Ray Arthur's Levi Stubbs, Deepstblu's Jerry Wexler, Busgal's Ken Nelson, Allezblanc's Humphrey Lyttelton. And we love you, Nova Cassius, Kixco, Scubama, Sis, Chipmunk Roasting and Kathi, even if we couldn't figure out a way to include you in the awards.

This award show has been brought to you mostly by Bill Schenley and partly by me, Amelia Rosner, who will never dress up for an Internet award show again.

We hope everyone has as much fun with this deadpool as we do. It's been growing every year and we have nearly 70 players.

Thanks for playing!

Now to catch up with 2009!